Should

I really should write more.

I type these words and they stare back at me in blinking black. This phrase breaks so many rules ingrained in me. My high school English teacher bore into his students that the words “really, very and it,” should never be used. Perhaps the word “never” is a bit drastic, but I try to avoid those words. Who needs the first two of them anyway? Who needs words that add so little to the meaning of a sentence. Not so unlike calling a photo, “beautiful,” without further meaning. Then there is the word, “it.” This teacher taught us “It = shit,” a lesson punctuated by a drawing of a bull defecating with a large crossed out circle over it, much in the manner of a no parking or smoking sign. This left a lasting impression, as did the deduction of major points on any paper that included any of these three words.

Now I get to the concept of “should.” I used to use this word on a much too frequent basis. I thought in terms of what I should be doing. The problem about “should” is if I did not do what I had felt I should do, I failed. Wrapped up on that one word was a whole bundle of anxiety. I cannot proclaim independence from that wretched word, nor my anxiety, but I am weakening my ties. I like to think in terms of, “it would be a good idea to,” and if I do what I intended on doing, I have succeeded. On the other side, if I did not do something, there was not a failure on my part, but a choice to do something else.

On the topic of “should” and things I chose to do…

I began running recently as a resolve to fix my butt. Much to my horror, I gained about 1.729 pounds in the past few months. I did cross country in high school and can proudly boast having officially come in last place in a race (running while having an asthma attack is less than efficient), but do not actually care for running, yet. My resolve is to lose weight this holiday season. So keep that fudge out of my reach. And I will keep myself putting on my shoes, cranking up my music and running though the streets of wherever I may be.

I see you looking at me as though I am crazy. This crumply butt I whine about is considered fantastic by all except myself. Models are insane – that is a fact verified by all sources. And by all sources I mean verified by me.

This Jewish girl is headed off to have a wonderful Christmas, and wishes you all a really, really, really awesome holiday.
Seriously though, have yourselves a great Christmas. Enjoy the company of those you love and who love you.

Photo by Jay Cole of Colorado.